Dr. Jim Eckman has written,” I see little about gestational surrogacy that is positive or God-honoring.” Issues in Perspective, Nov. 15, 2014. This is such a sad and unenlightened perspective on surrogacy. I have been at numerous hospitals where gestational surrogates have given birth and intended parents welcome their babies with arms of love wide open. God-honoring is what surrogacy, when done properly, is all about.
The intended parents and the surrogate spend time together at the hospital and share the wonder and amazing moments of welcoming a new life into the world. There is gratitude, acknowledgement, love, and positive energy all around. The intended parents cannot thank the surrogate enough and the surrogate is filled with a feeling of having done something so selfless and wonderful as to help a deserving couple have the child and family of their dreams.
This is not to say that every surrogacy arrangement is perfect. But surrogacy, when done under the proper circumstances with the guidance and advice of competent professionals, can easily be the surrogacy that I described above. People helping people. People paying it forward. People honoring each other and joining in life endeavors and milestones of love and commitment that could only happen through surrogacy.
I get tired of the bad press on surrogacy. Of course there are ethical issues. But we deal with them and we grapple with the issues so that the people who wish to participate in bringing a child into the world through surrogacy can do so with integrity, fairness, care, and compassion.
As a professional, I find that my ethical obligation is to be honest with people in the arrangement. If I feel they are not attending to their obligations properly, I will say so. And that is applied to both intended parents and surrogates. There are many people that go through surrogacy and not everyone brings the right attitude or sensibility but these can be conveyed and marshalled by the lawyers and doctors who are assisting the parents and surrogate.
As I often say, surrogacy is completely possible, legal, ethical, and doable but it requires the assistance of a professional team to guide everyone through this complex way of having a baby.