This past week, I was a guest speaker for the Building Your Family Expert Webinar sponsored by Building Your Family, The Infertility and Adoption Guide. During the presentation, I addressed the LGBT community, one that is sometimes overlooked when it comes to surrogacy, ART, or adoption. Just like straight couples, it takes planning and diligence for gay and lesbian couples or singles to have children. The end result is the same though – LGBT parents are bringing wanted and loved children into the world just as straight couples are.
This being said, there are some differences between LGBT parents and straight parents in relation to surrogacy, ART, or adoption. The options vary for lesbian couples compared to gay couples. For lesbian couples, one of the biggest decisions involves which one of them will carry the baby, or which one will carry the first baby. In addition to this, lesbian couples need a sperm donor or a biological father for their baby. If the route of a sperm donor is chosen, they need to decide whether they want a known donor, such as a relative or a friend, or whether they will seek an anonymous sperm donor through a sperm bank. Just as for straight couples, choosing a known donor for lesbian couples poses risk. According to Match, “The legal rights of an egg or sperm donor are a very contentious subject, with almost no two courts agreeing on the answer. Because it is a particularly volatile subject, with the courts constantly changing their decisions, it is very important to consult a lawyer who is familiar and up to date with state laws concerning donor rights.” This being said, it’s important to consider unexpected circumstances, such as the sperm donor wanting to be an involved father or him not being involved but still liable for child support. Because of the possibility of situations like this, it’s important to have a sperm donation contract with clauses to address unexpected situations.
There are cases where one of the lesbian moms decides to contribute the eggs, and the other will bear the child. In these situations, the Intended Mothers should have a contract between them stating that they are planning to co-parent, and that the producer of the eggs in NOT an egg donor. They must also revise the medical clinic forms as these Informed Consent documents will deem the Intended Mother who is the producer of the eggs as an egg donor with no rights.
For gay male couples, surrogacy is an option for building your family. It is important to get a consultation with professionals to get correct information regarding costs, legal procedures, how to establish legal parentage, and how to terminate the rights of the surrogate. If you decide to use a surrogacy matching agency to find a surrogate, be sure to employ the services of a reputable agency with knowledgeable professionals on hand to guide you through the surrogacy journey, and who will provide consistent support and advice every step of the way.
Adoption is also an alternative for gay and lesbian parents. LGBT parents have the option to adopt a foster child, or may consider international or domestic adoption. In any of these cases, it is important to consult with lawyers or reputable adoption agencies that specialize in adoption.
To receive the gift of a child and to give the gift of dedicated parenting and a loving home to a child can be very rewarding. To learn more about the options available for LGBT couples looking to start a family, learn more here. Audio Presentation
