As a parent, you will always want what’s best for your kid. Finding the time and means to give them the best—and your best—is hard enough. When you and your partner encounter disagreements over how to address a situation, it makes everything harder.
Co-parenting can be difficult—what one parent thinks is best may be completely different from the other. Sharing the responsibilities of raising children with your partner or family members means sharing the decisions that will shape the mind and spirit of your little love.
Be sure to ask your partner/family where they stand on certain aspects of child rearing, and share your own approach. You can avoid potential arguments by reaching an understanding well in advance of your new baby’s arrival.
Which Questions to Ask
Despite your best efforts to learn all the answers, chances are people may change or choose a different path throughout the life of the child. Here are some important questions to ask.
Religious Affiliation
It is important to discuss if you will raise the child with any religious affiliation. Leaving that discussion until after the child is born can cause some high-stress arguments and put a strain on your relationship with your partner/family members.
Views on Discipline
You can spend a lot of time with someone without having a clue about how they will discipline a child. People’s views on punitive versus constructive discipline can differ drastically. Make sure you discuss with your partner(s) how they intend to discipline your kid.
Where the Child Will be Raised
This might seem like a no-brainer: You and your partner/family will raise the child where you currently live. However, this isn’t always the case. It’s not uncommon for someone to request that you move to a different neighborhood, school district, or even region to move closer to family. Have the discussion before the child is even conceived to allow yourself time to process any shocking requests and decide what will be best for all.
Where to Be Flexible
Even when you have asked your partner/family all the most important questions about raising a child, you’re bound to encounter differences of opinion. A parent’s love for a child is fierce, but alienating a co-parent or family members helping to raise the baby will not be in anyone’s best interest in the end unless there are deeper concerns.
You may need to be flexible at times and agree to techniques or decisions that make you uncomfortable. It’s okay to feel this way—in fact, it’s normal.
It’s important to maintain one critical perspective: determining what’s best for the child. That will not necessarily be defined by what you think will be best, but it will make for a more fulfilled, diverse and loving family experience for your baby.
No one ever said parenting is easy, but parenting with others can add extra stress when you disagree with decisions made for your child. Stay true to yourself. Fight for what matters most and let some of the other stuff slide. If your little one is being raised by people who truly love her/him, everything else will work out!
