There is no greater gift than holding your child for the first time. No words can adequately describe the joy that comes from being a parent. Knowing that joy and hearing the heartache from someone unable to have a child on their own inspires some women to become gestational surrogates. Carrying a child for someone else is one of the most selfless and rewarding tasks a woman could choose. However, the experience will require the love and support of family and friends.
Telling Your Spouse/Partner
Starting the journey requires enlisting the support of the spouse/partner. While the woman may be the one carrying the child, your partner’s support will be crucial to help make the experience as pleasant as it should be.
Be prepared for some initial resistance. Your partner will need to feel comfortable expressing concerns and asking any questions he might have. Concerns regarding the biological relationship, or lack of, between the surrogate and the child are common. Some men struggle to accept their wife is carrying another man’s baby. He may also have concerns regarding the impact the surrogacy will have on their own children. Discuss with him your intentions for a relationship with the intended family after the birth.
Wherever the discussions lead, recruiting the support and approval from your partner will be crucial. Allow plenty of time for your partner to fully embrace the idea of surrogacy before you begin.
Telling Your Children
Children are amazing. Their resiliency and willingness to accept love is such a gift. Any woman open to being a surrogate most likely thrives on the love of her children and hopes to share a similar gift with IPs.
Before committing to carry for a family, you must enlist the support of your own children. The sooner you talk to your children about surrogacy, the better. The kids may need time to digest mommy’s decision and ask questions before the surrogacy begins.
The topics to discuss with your children will vary, but some recommendations include: describing how the intended parents will be “borrowing” her womb, reassuring the children that the baby will not be related, highlighting the love in your family and the desire to help others experience that gift. Since there is monetary compensation, planning to do something fun for the family with the money might help. Maybe consider a special vacation or an addition to the house that the kids will enjoy.
Telling Other Close Family Members and Friends
The decision to tell people outside of one’s immediate family is less critical. Each surrogate will need to determine who, if anyone, she would like to know. Prior to sharing details, the surrogate should prepare herself for some backlash or judgements. Not everyone fully understands gestational surrogacy and some people are not willing to accept it. Negative feedback might hurt at first, but it could never offset the reward received seeing a parent hold their child for the first time and knowing it might never have happened without you.
