There is no doubt that once a surrogate is matched to intended parents (IPs), the intentions behind each party are sincere. The surrogate wants to help someone experience that indescribable feeling of meeting their child for the first time. The IPs are ready to become parents and appreciative to the surrogate for making their dream come true.
Due to the intimate nature of the experience, it is increasingly common for surrogates and IPs to develop a strong bond over time. By building a solid foundation with open communication, surrogates and IPs can set the stage for an optimal surrogacy journey ahead.
Know Your Wants and Needs Before You Are Matched
Ideally, the gestational surrogacy will be smooth and worry-free, but that is not always the case. The best way to secure open communication throughout the journey is to know what you expect of the other party and what concessions you may be willing to make.
Examples for surrogates may include:
- How many embryo transfers you are willing to attempt per session
- What your comfort level is regarding selective reduction
- Whether there are any non-included amenities (i.e. prenatal yoga, acupuncture, non-prescription pre-natal vitamins) you feel are essential
IPs should be clear about what they will expect of the surrogate and what they are willing or not willing to support throughout the surrogacy journey.
Examples for IPs may include:
- Specific dietary plan/restrictions for the gestational surrogate
- How many IVF cycles they are willing to attempt
- How many embryos they hope to transfer each cycle
If the surrogate and the IPs begin their relationship with honesty and the ability to explain what will make this the most meaningful experience for each of them, then they are likely to establish open communication throughout the surrogacy experience.
Be Honest
It is understandable that both the surrogate and the IPs may feel uncomfortable discussing certain topics. The nature of surrogacy is intimate and at times sensitive. Surrogates may not want to insult or upset the IPs and the IPs may feel similarly about not upsetting the surrogate. However, regardless of initial embarrassment or reluctance discussing concerns or difficult topics, it is extremely important to do so.
Honesty and a willingness to engage in open communication throughout all phases of the surrogacy are critical for both the surrogate and the IPs. Both parties will understandably be excited to begin the journey, but if they are masking honesty or refusing to discuss sensitive topics, then the experience may be affected.
Be Prepared
One recommendation is to write down topics to discuss. It is easier to refer to written or typed statements when feeling nervous or uncomfortable about a topic. Writing down thoughts before initiating the conversation will allow the individual to think about how they want to broach the subject. It allows each party to think through why something is important to them as well as helps them explore why it might be important for the other side.
Gestational surrogacy is amazing and should be a rewarding experience for the surrogate and IPs alike. One of the surest ways to guarantee a successful journey is by establishing and maintaining open communication.
